This past weekend, Josh and I reflected on the Lord's goodness and faithfulness to us this past year as we hit the one year mark of losing our precious Sadie. When October came, my heart began anticipating this milestone and, for several weeks, I felt like I was at an emotional standstill. How has it already been a year? Since February, I have been able to say "this time a year ago, we did ____, and I was pregnant with Sadie." Now, this time a year ago she was gone. As my mind reflected on the events of that weekend and the weeks and months that followed, I continue to be amazed at the strength the Lord provided for us immediately and completely. It still takes my breath away when I remember the steps we took from the moment we found out she was gone. Apart from Him, they each would have been unbearable.
A year later and I'm still overwhelmed at how much I miss her. How much I hurt for her and ache to see what her role in our family would have looked like. How defensive I can still be of her memory and how I want the world to know this sweet blessing we are expecting in February 2015 will never replace what was lost. The Lord has allowed us to experience such joy and excitement over this new, precious life in the midst of missing Sadie. And He continues to heal. We know we are facing a transition time in the next few months, especially as we finalize a name for our sweet #4. Sadie's room, her clothes, toys and any other baby item will become the new baby's. The girls still refer to everything as Sadie's but I know that will change. And I trust that He will continue to use these hard things for our good and His glory. When Macy adamantly tells people that this is our 4th baby and she has a sister in Heaven. When Eden spots a "S" on a sign and shouts "S is for Sadie!" When we remember her together as a family and testify to His sovereignty and goodness. When we trust Him with this new life. Our good and His glory.
We chose to remember Sadie this weekend by planting a tree in our front yard. It will be a neat reminder for us as we watch it grow and remember the impact of her sweet life.
"Behold, I will do something new. Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert."
Macy's love language right now is drawing pictures. When we talked with her about Sadie's birthday, she began drawing pictures and I would find them in Sadie's room...
Love you, Sadie Claire. Always a part of us!