A Change of Plans

We've seen over and over how Sadie's loss has so many layers to it.  We mourn her and the emptiness that comes from her absence; we hurt for Macy and Eden and the loss of a sister that they don't understand; we are missing out on watching the girls grow and interact with each other; Josh and I hurt watching each other and the individual struggles and moments that grief brings as we walk this together; and we mourn this change of our plans.  We were supposed to bring her home.  Now we are left wondering what her personality would have been like and if she would've continued to favor Macy in appearance.  We had dreams and a future envisioned with Sadie.  And a quiet exam room as they searched for her heartbeat changed all that in a second.

This Christmas, Josh and I were reminded of the "change of plans" that occurred in the lives of Mary and Joseph.  In the midst of an exciting engagement, their whole life together in front of them, their plans changed drastically.  Mary has been chosen to carry the Son of God and endure the scarred reputation that comes with a pregnancy before marriage.  Joseph is asked to stand by her side as he struggles to understand the depth of the task they've been called to.  But they were chosen and blessed because of the impact of Jesus.

Yes, our plans changed.  We will carry the weight of Sadie's loss forever, although we trust He is continuing to heal.  Our "stair-stepped" blonde-hair, blue eyed girls that we envisioned playing and growing together is missing a piece now.  We ache to see what Sadie would've been like with her sisters.  But we are overwhelmed knowing where she is and what she is seeing and experiencing in the presence of Jesus.  He is redeeming.  He is reminding us that He alone is in control and one day our knowledge will be made whole!  We don't understand the why's, but we can rest in the fact that He is sovereign and good.

"Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"

Job 2:10

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Job 1:21

"The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."

Proverbs 16:9