Sadie-bug would have been 4 months old today. In addition, February 26, 2013 was the day we learned we were expecting our third little miracle. My heart has ached for her especially this week. Everything makes me hurt for her. Even just walking by her room. I want so much to envision what life would be like with her right now; a blossoming personality and attempts to roll over. Would she still look like Macy or have developed her own little look at this point? Healing does not necessarily mean each day is better than the day before. There are times when I feel her loss as heavy as I did that weekend we lost her. A lot of ups and downs; thankful for the One who doesn't change.
4 months of healing and seeking the Lord has continued to produce a closeness and intimacy with Him that I've never had before.
I am learning that He is not just a God who comforts, He is the God of ALL comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Matthew 5:4; Isaiah 66:13) Even His comfort is unique and supernatural.
I am learning that His strength continues to be perfect and has carried me through my darkest moments and deepest cries. I can rejoice in my weakness as it displays the strength of my God. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10; Psalm 73:26; Isaiah 40:29)
I am learning that He is the source of true rest and hope. He is worthy of my trust. (Psalm 62:5-8; Romans 15:13)
I am rejoicing in the truth that He makes all things new. The creator of streams in the desert. (Isaiah 43:19)
I am thankful that He is the same yesterday, today and forever! (Hebrews 13:8) "Sovereign in my greatest joy. Sovereign in my deepest cry."
I am learning that He is a God who restores. (Psalm 71:20-21) And a God who sustains. (Psalm 3:5) And a God who delivers. (2 Corinthians 1:9-10)
As hard as it is for the planner in me, I am continuing to learn that it is He who determines my steps. (Proverbs 16:9) And that, ultimately, it is His plan that will produce any good. (Romans 8:28) I want to be in harmony with His will.
And I love Psalm 73:28: "As for me, it is GOOD to be near God!"
As dark as this hour feels, it is not even worth comparing to the glory that awaits. Praise Jesus! (Romans 8:18)
I am praying the Lord would continue to conform and grow me into a Kingdom woman. To have eyes that see what is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:18)
My heart continues to petition Him for "beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." (Isaiah 61:3)
We also continue to see the body of Christ at work as we are encouraged, lifted up and covered in prayer. He has strengthened relationships and grown friendships in the shadow of Sadie's loss. What a blessing.
I want so much to look back on this season and see where my heart was and how the hand of the Lord brought healing and restoration to our family. And I pray for the opportunity to share with Macy and Eden what all the Lord has done (Psalm 78:4)