My heart struggles to believe that it's been 6 months since we held our precious Sadie and told her goodbye. We continue to see His healing hand, but each new milestone brings new struggles and hurt. 6 months has been a hard one for me, mainly because it was one of my favorite ages with the girls, especially Macy. I can easily visualize the pictures we had taken of Macy at 6 months wearing this precious navy and white dress and the sweetest "gummy" smile. My heart wonders if she would still look like Macy. Every time the girls get the hiccups I think of Sadie and how often she got them in the womb. Every time I kiss on Macy or Eden, I can't help but feel this ache and longing to physically love on Sadie. We just hurt for her.
This morning, Macy had her first dance recital. As I watched my big girl on stage, I couldn't keep the tears from coming. Partly because I was just so proud of her and partly because of the realization that we would never have those moments with Sadie. The Lord continues to encourage my heart to enjoy these blessings right in front of me and I do feel like I am a different mom now to Macy and Eden after losing Sadie. He gives me the strength to enjoy them every day, even in the hurt of missing Sadie-bug.
Sadie's headstone was also finished and placed this week. My heart was heavy as Josh and I headed over to see it. I think on those weeks and months when we were deciding on her name; never envisioning we would see it in a place like this. The Lord laid Psalm 84:10 on my heart and it was just perfect for her. We are thankful for His promise that Sadie was blessed and better to go straight to the face of Jesus. It brings us great comfort in the midst of missing her.