Sovereign

3 months today...just can't believe it.  Even though we are still healing, I look back on those first days and weeks after losing Sadie and my chest tightens.  It becomes hard to breathe when those images of the freshness of that time replay through my mind.  He has done a great bit of healing in these 3 months and I'm thankful.

"Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin has become one of my favorite songs lately.  Besides being our Healer and the God of all comfort, God's sovereignty has been one of the strongest traits I've been in awe of since losing her.  He gives and He takes, all-powerful, all-knowing; there truly is no one like our God!

"Sovereign"

Sovereign in the mountain air

Sovereign on the ocean floor

With me in the calm

With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy

Sovereign in my deepest cry

With me in the dark

With me at the dawn

In Your everlasting arms

All the pieces of my life

From beginning to the end

I can trust You

In Your never-failing love

You work everything for good

God, whatever comes my way

I will trust You

All my hopes

All I need

Held in Your hands

All my life

All of me

Held in Your hands

All my fears

All my dreams

Held in Your hands

God, whatever comes my way

I will trust You

Sadie's Lovies

This past weekend Josh and I began going through Sadie's things in the nursery.  We knew it would be hard, but felt like it was time and we were ready.  I was fearful that it would feel like a "letting go" but I prayed it would feel more like a remembrance; an acknowledgement that she is not needing or hurting for anything.  As much as it hurts, she doesn't need these material things.

Most things in her nursery had not been touched since we found out we lost her.  Including the "lovies" we had selected for her and had laying in her crib.

When Macy was 6 months old, she picked out a baby Piglet at the Disney store and she's been smitten ever since.  At her 1st birthday she received a big Piglet, who is beginning to show the wear and tear of being her lovey now for 3 years.  When we were expecting Eden, we let Macy help us choose her lovey and she decided on Roo.  And of course, Eden still sleeps with her baby Roo, who she just calls "baby".

So, when we were expecting Sadie, I began to brainstorm what her lovey could be.  I came across Lady from Lady and the Tramp on Amazon and I thought it was perfect.  Sadie's Lady.  The girls were also really into the movie at the time.

We bought a little one for Eden to give her for Christmas and a big one for Macy to give.

Yesterday, Josh and I decided we wanted the girls to have them as a reminder of Sadie for them and for us.  As we see them playing with Lady, we will always think of Sadie.  And, as the girls grow, we can help them remember as well.

A friend from Sunday School shared with me that he was praying "our days continue to get easier, not because we forget, but because it becomes less painful to remember."  I know there will be a time when it doesn't hurt to hear her name or see a reminder in the house.

Sunday, January 19th

Matching outfits from Nana and Papa for Christmas...

Fun with Pops and Grammy

Some of the pics Grammy shared with us while we were in San Diego...

Discovery Science Place

Washing each others hair

Getting ready to go to Frozen

Trying on some of Grammy's baby dresses

 She thought this one looked like Maria from Sound of Music :)

Some Randoms

My Favorites

It's been a while since I've done an update on the girls and I've been reminded lately of some of my favorite phrases they say and things they do...

Macy-Girl:

• she says words like embarrass, ignore, concerned, and other words that sound too big for a just-turned 4 year old!  One day in the car, everyone got quiet at the same time and she said "AWKWARD!"  We just laughed and laughed
• She loves collecting things: she will find anything outside; whether it's a leaf, feather, snail, rock or flower and add it to her "collection" (which is just a little plant stand we have in the garage)
• She also enjoys collecting sticks in the backyard and making a pile for a pretend fire.  She yelled across the yard at Eden the other night and said "Eden, help me!  You're a great sticker-picker!"
• Macy's obsessed right now with having a sleep-over even though we've told her it will be a little while before she's old enough to do that.  Well, her Sunday School teacher told me that she informed them about her sleepover coming up soon and that her mommy and daddy would be serving Whataburger for everyone :)
• She is still crazy about anything Frozen and has already learned the soundtrack (Eden too!)
• She's becoming quite the artist (A talent I think she's inherited from her Daddy).  She will sit at the kitchen table now and color, use stamps, or stickers for long periods of time.
• This winter, she's been asking for hot chocolate all the time.
• She continues to be a social butterfly and is drawn like a magnet to other children, especially girls, around us.  To the point that I have a difficult time getting her attention back.
• She's still enjoying dance and is very excited about her sparkly pink costume that just came in for their recital.
• Macy and I have had some interesting conversations about Sadie.  She continues to understand that she's in Heaven, but obviously still has some curiosity about her.  She asked me the other night why we keep Sadie's door closed and that she wanted it to be open.  She told me once again that she wanted to see what Sadie looked like and how small her head was.  (She's obsessed with baby's heads; she still talks about her cute Eden's head is.) I continue to hurt for Macy because I know how excited she was about her baby sister and how helpful she would have been with her.

My big girl!

Eden Joy:

• One big accomplishment for Eden Joy within just the last week has been potty-training!  She continued to wake up in the morning with a dry diaper and I finally realized I was crazy for not starting since she's obviously capable of holding it for a while.  Sure enough, she's picked it up quickly and has been in panties since Wednesday.  She even naps in panties already.  We've had a few accidents, but for the most part, she's doing great.  I don't feel as stressed about her, like I was with Macy, because she can go much longer spans between trips to the potty.  She's also almost a year older than Macy was when I trained her!
•  My absolute favorite thing Eden says right now is "Dance me, Daddy!" And trust me, Mommy is not sufficient.  She waits for Daddy to get home and bombards him!  It's the sweetest thing.
• Eden is still our cuddly, snuggly baby!  She gives the greatest bear hugs and I could eat her up!
• We are learning that she is super observant and remembers things well.  She saw Daddy getting ready to leave for work one morning and said "Daddy, that's Mr. Gary's shirt!" Mr. Gary is Josh's boss and we saw him wearing a work shirt several weeks prior.  She recognized it as being the same one Josh had on that day.
• Macy never got into Sesame Street, but Eden loves Elmo!  She continued to identify him places even though we hardly ever watched it on TV.  Now, she requests it.
• She also still loves Sound of Music and has learned the Frozen soundtrack like Macy.  It's hilarious to see her acting out her favorite scenes.
• Anytime you ask her to do something, she says "SURE!"  It's the sweetest sounding "sure" I've ever heard!
• She's also great about saying "Thank you" even if it's out of context.  We had a few episodes in Chick-fil-A the other day that included several trips to the bathroom for a consequence.  When we got back in the car I said, "Eden, you had a hard time in there" and she said "thank you."  But when she does use it the right way it's precious!

Can't believe my baby is approaching 3!?

San Diego

Josh and I visited beautiful San Diego last Wednesday - Saturday for his work and had a wonderful time.  There were 8 of us total, 2 other wives.  I was anxious about leaving the girls, but I knew the Lord would refresh me and that He did!

My dad kept the girls on Wednesday and dropped us off at the Tyler airport around 10:00.  Our flight was delayed an hour and we didn't fly out until almost noon.

I wanted to take plenty of pictures to show the girls!  This was on the flight from Tyler to Dallas.

We landed and booked it to our 1:20 flight to San Diego only to find it had been delayed as well.  After a gate and plane change, we finally flew out of Dallas around 3:00.

Approaching San Diego

I wanted to show the girls how they got the luggage off the plane...

Walking out of the airport

I've never been to California, but it was exactly what you would picture.  Palm Trees and houses perched on the side of hills.  It was beautiful.

We stayed at the Grand Del Mar resort and it was incredible.  We are pretty sure this was a once in a lifetime experience for us.

Walking into the lobby...

 View from Lobby terrace...

And this was our room...

Wednesday night we ate with everyone at one of the hotel's restaurants, Amaya.  Probably the best food I've ever had!

The next morning, I was able to get some good shots from our balcony.  Such a wonderful retreat to read, drink coffee and enjoy His creation.  The weather there was perfect, around 60 the whole time.

The guys were in a meeting all morning at the hotel...

I met the other wives for a late breakfast and then we reserved a hotel courtesy car to take us down the road to La Jolla around noon.  They had a really neat shopping area and we got some great pictures as well.  We also had lunch before heading back to the hotel around 3:30.

Walking towards the water...

There were seals everywhere and I got a great video of two of them talking to each other to show the girls...

Sunning on the rock...

Close-up of one of the baby seals...

The guys played golf at the hotel Thursday and Friday afternoon and Josh took some great pictures as well...

Fountain outside the front of the hotel.  He thought the girls would really like it because it looked like the one from the Sound of Music.

Our hotel in the distance

He took a picture of this swan for the girls...

Thursday evening we ate as a group at Flemings Steakhouse.

Friday morning, I met the wives at the hotel spa and got my hair cut.  Such a treat for me since I usually only go twice a year!

We had lunch by the pool then headed up to our rooms for the afternoon.

Friday evening, we ate at Pacific Coast Grill which was right on the water.

Saturday morning, we packed up and left the hotel around 6:30am.  Our flights going back were perfect.  No delays and we were back in Tyler around 3:45.

 

Home sweet home!

I was so ready to love on my girls!

The girls had so much fun with Pops and Grammy.  Chuck E. Cheese TWICE!, saw Frozen for the 3rd time, Discovery Science Place, visiting Great-Nana, and feeding Grammy's pets at school.  We were able to facetime with them often and I knew they were in great hands.  I will have to do a separate post with the pictures of them from Grammy.

I really anticipated this trip being difficult in some aspects.  When we first started talking about it, I was still pregnant with Sadie.  In fact, we planned on having her with us.  That was hard.  But, in anticipation of the trip and the time I knew I would have alone, I prayed He would use it to restore my soul and He was faithful.  He drew me near and once again, I was reminded of the hope I have in Him.

"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:22-23